Bittersweet - an 18th Birthday

Today, my oldest child is turning 18. Do you remember when you turned 18? Or maybe when your son or daughter turned 18?

I'm just as guilty as anyone of having ideal pictures in my mind of how it would be when my children grew up. Somewhere in there, the thoughts of my child turning 18 sort of went like this:

She would want to throw a huge party and invite all her friends, along with half the neighbourhood.
We might take her out to dinner to celebrate her young adulthood and this new stage in her life.
Gifts would have to be super expensive, but I would stand firm on not buying her a car!
We'd be lucky to get any time to spend with her, as she'd no doubt be busy with her friends and generally not wanting to be with us boring old folks.
We'd be watching her spread her wings and fly the coop, hopefully not too quickly, but after all, she'd have to make her own life one day.

Well, that's not what it looks like. Nothing like it in fact.

My oldest daughter has Asperger's, among some other health issues. We shelved our dreams a long time ago, but the kernel of hope is still there. She is not celebrating the day with friends, because she doesn't have any. It actually hurt typing those words - my daughter does not have any friends at 18. Not for want of trying really, but I guess it became too much of an effort after a while.

We wanted to take her out to dinner - but she doesn't want to. It's apparently too stressful to go somewhere new, and do something so different as take our first born out to dinner.

Presents were not over the top - she never asks for very much. Maybe she doesn't want to, because she knows we couldn't afford to buy it for her anyway. Autism doesn't come cheap (especially in Australia where you pay for everything privately), and her 5 year old brother's severe Autism has required us to shell out a fortune, so we're broke.

She's not ready to leave home, far from it in fact. We've been working on life skills with her for years, and are still trying to work with her on getting some form of paid employment to increase her independence. I'm expecting that to be a challenge - coping in a workplace with all those personalities, having deadlines, and just the stress of constantly being with other people. Maybe I'm worrying too much and it will all be fine?

So you can see that our reality is nothing like what our dreams were. You'd think I'd be used to it by now.

I can't leave it on a negative note - I've run out of chocolate so I need to cheer myself up another way.
My son is talking.
Big cheer and drum roll please! This is incredible - an absolute miracle, so thank you God! We're getting echolalia, labeling, and SENTENCES. Yes - sentences like, "door is stuck", "it's popped" and I even got a "thank you". He will be six next month, and we are finally hearing magical words come out of his mouth.

It may not be Friday, but FUA!!!

Please note - I have moved to a new blogging address! You can now find me at http://autismwithchocolate.com/
Hope to see you there!

Cancer and Autism don't mix

Autism is hard enough to live with, but how do you cope when the Mum gets cancer? Not just once or twice, but three times, and her child is totally dependent on her for everything?

I have been following the blogs from the Thinking Moms’ Revolution for a while now. Those mums (and dad) know what I’m going through with my own kids, and they are determined to help them despite the naysayers. One of the blogs that really grabbed me was about Autism and the Church, written by Booty Kicker. Attending church and following our faith was a big part of our life, until the Autism monster exploded in the middle of it.

When you have a child that cannot sit still for more than a minute or two, church is not exactly a comfortable place. If your child insists on verbal tics and vocalisations in the middle of prayer, you get strange looks. Other children feel like they’re missing out if your child is sitting there, plugged into their iPad or portable DVD player (and the parents don’t look too impressed either). Chasing your child through the rain or searing heat while everyone else is sitting inside listening to the sermon, doesn't exactly imbue you with the right spirit. Then there’s the issue of fellowshipping over a meal – something else that became impossible to do because we are on a restricted diet.

So I stopped going and stayed at home with my son while my husband took the other kids to church. Booty Kicker (Melanie Baldwin)’s post really helped me to know that it wasn't just us going through these issues. There are hundreds, if not thousands of families out there who can no longer go to worship at the House of the Lord. A lot of us felt a kinship with her post and a sense of relief that it wasn't just us.

Now, Melanie has once again got cancer. She’s already beaten breast and bone cancer, and has recently been diagnosed with spine and liver cancer. Her son Luke is severely ill and needs constant attention – like many of our kids he injures himself due to his autism. Autism doesn't come cheap, and neither does cancer, and how do you replace a mother who is battling for her own health?

Her family needs your help. Please make a donation, so that her family can continue on while she is not able to be with them. Pray for Melanie, her son Luke, and her husband Tim during this time of need. Pay it forward!

Edited 7th October 2014 - Melanie has passed away and is now resting without pain, in the arms of her Saviour. Her son still needs constant care, and her husband will have to try and take care of their sweet boy while still grieving for the loss of his wife. Please pray for this family to be able to work their way through their grief, and for the continued care of Luke. Please give if you can.

Please note - I have moved to a new blogging address! You can now find me at http://autismwithchocolate.com/
Hope to see you there!